God far away

I was awakened each night to pray leaving only a couple of hours sleep.  I became sick, losing weeks to poor health.

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. (Psalm 38:1-NIV)

I asked the Lord, ‘Why am I being persecuted?’  He showed me it was a rebuke.

Your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down on me. Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; … (Psalm 38:2-4-NIV)

I tried defending myself by going to bed earlier, but I awakened even earlier. Finally, I saw the issue:  I was defending myself from God.

My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly … I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. (Psalm 38:5-8-NIV)

I had become resentful. It was not as if these were good times of prayer.  Was it worth the pain? Yet who am I to tell God what is productive or good?

All my longings lie open before you, … my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes. (Psalm 38:9-10-NIV)

The light was going from my eyes with the frustration of standing in God’s presence and nothing seemingly happening. It felt a waste of time.

Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Saviour. (Psalm 38:21-22-NIV)

All I could do was call on God for help that this season would pass – as it did following these realisations.


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