My desire for God can be so conflicted. This is seen in Song of Songs 2.
8 … Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, …
It begins with wonder and worship – her lover coming. This is easy. I experience the thrill of Jesus’ presence, delighting that He would choose to come to me. The next verse betrays how limited this devotion is:
9 Look! There he stands behind our wall,
gazing through the windows, ….
When the lover arrives he is left outside peering through the windows. Did he really leap across the mountains for this?
Amazingly the lover does not berate the girl but woos and assures her.
10 … ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.
11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come,…13 The fig-tree forms its early fruit; …
Arise, come, … my beautiful one, come with me.’
He leaves her in no doubt that he desires her to be with him bounding over the mountains.
He encourages her that the threats of winter are past.
He encourages her with the promise of the beauty she will see.
Finally he encourages her with the promise of fruit, before appealing again for her to come.
So, when Jesus comes to me unexpectedly, will I stay in the safety of my walled garden, or run with Him on the mountains? I pray that it will be the latter.
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