The Lord has been asking me, ‘What is it that you want?’ I am left struggling. In the past I have known clearly what I want, but those wants were focused on me. Even when they were focused on His kingdom, they reflected how I wanted His kingdom to come. Most of my desires and dreams are those my culture wants me to have. When I indulge them they give gratification, but emptiness in the soul. So I am left questioning, ‘What are the true desires of my heart?’
In my last blog I saw ‘the kings of the earth’ taking their stand against the Lord to free themselves from Him in order to gain what they want (Psalm 2). This way of independence from the source of life is folly.
Margaret Silf in ‘Landmarks’ makes the observation that the desires of our hearts were implanted by the Lord. As we walk with Him stilling our hearts from the clamour of what we think we want, we see things from His perspective. The desires of our hearts begin to surface. So a good start point is to ‘Kiss the Son’ and ‘take refuge in Him’ (Psalm 2) for these unite us with Him.
After years of walking with Him why have these desires of the heart not surfaced earlier? Because I have allowed myself to want what others want – ranging from ‘The advance of the Kingdom through ministry’ to the latest gadget, with its life expectancy of two years.